And I thought about my life as a celebrity and my desire to walk into the supermarket without having to sign an autograph. How I longed for the ability to walk down each aisle uninterrupted examining the shelved products, comparing their prices, and choosing the items on my list. But then I realized, if I were a celebrity, I’d probably just shop at the celebrity supermarket, where only famous people shop. Such a grocery store would have such high prices that most fans would not even be able to afford to set foot into the place. Common folk would be allergic to the $15 gallon of milk. However, my celebrity money gives me immunity to such allergies.
I fancy such a store would be called Peacelix. Much like the chain of Publix supermarkets, “Where shopping is a pleasure,” Peacelix’ motto would be, “Where shopping is Peaceful.” If you could afford to survive a step onto the parking lot pavement, you might see celebrities such as Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt entering with their 17 children from 15 different countries. Angelina of course is carrying 16 of the kids as well as pushing the shopping cart as Brad is walking with the other kid and talking to some unrecognized B list celebrity. Brad will look up at the sign and then to Angelina saying, “Peacelix? I bet you wish you could get a lick of this piece.” He then high fives his B lister who exclaims, “GOT EM!!” As Brad turns back to Angelina, he is interrupted half way by the gun she is pointing at his head. She asks, still holding the gun, 16 kids, and pushing the shopping cart, “You mean, this piece?” Brad is left with that confused expression begging the question is he looking at Lara Croft, Mrs. Smith, or that chick from Wanted. Before he can make up his answer, she says, “Well at least you know I’m not Jennifer.”
